Pounds

5 am morning
neighborhood quiet
my footsteps hushed
by a thin falling of snow.
How did I
become a woman
who wakes before dawn
packs a bag,
grabs a lunch,
descends slick porch stairs,
drives to the gym.
35 minutes and crunches.
25 minutes of weights.
Every day.

I cannot relax.
I weigh myself.
6 more pounds,
gone.
How long?
So far, 6 months. Giddy, I
shower. I soap
my body, listening
to the slap of other women’s
feet in cold puddles
as they move
from locker to shower.
I rinse my hair.
Perhaps the scale
is wrong.
3 pounds. 5 pounds.
Give or take.
Maybe
I’m dehydrated, maybe
I’m retaining water.
Even if I lost
a few
only
maybe
perhaps
At least
I am trying.

Oh how I can
talk myself out of triumph.